"if a tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound?"

you ever talk and think no one is listening? now when i say that, i mean have you ever talked and known that someone was listening, but known at the same time that they aren't hearing you?

but isn't it the same thing?

oh contraire mon frere, but they are not the same. you can hear something and not listen to it just as you can listen to something and not hear it. for instance, you can be in the car and hear a song playing on the radio but you aren't paying attention to it, therefore you aren't listening to it. and the same thing can happen when someone is talking to you, or when you are talking to someone.

it takes a mature person to be able to recognize that sometimes people don't wanna hear what you are saying. they just don't damn care about the words that are coming out of your mouth. you may want them to care, you may even believe that they care. but they don't. let's just be real about it. we only listen to the things that we want to hear. all the rest of the words phrases and sentences go in one ear and out the other. but the funny thing about life is that the people that are doing the most talking are (funny enough) the ones that are doing the most listening. the people that don't feel like anyone gives a shit about the things that they think or feel are the very ones that are listening intently to the rambling that you are doing on a constant basis, and can probably recite everything that you say word for word.

my cousin's best friend doesn't listen to her. it really hurts her feelings when she tells her friend something extremely important to her and then days later she has to repeat the same thing to her again. and you know what? i can't say that i blame her. you expect the average person on the street to not listen to or remember everything that you may endlessly chatter about. but the people that you have decided are important enough to be the ones that you care about are at least supposed to remember the major things.

i know that i have a tendency to talk a lot. this is something that i have come to realize about myself. now, that being said, i don't expect you to remember every single solitary word that comes out my mouth. i do, however, remember key things that i say to you. nothing makes me angrier than having to repeat something that i said yesterday. especially if it was important to me at the time. it makes a person feel extremely unimportant when they talk and their words fall onto deaf ears.

it hurts to have to repeat yourself. how many times have you found yourself saying "i told you that, remember?" how many times have you had to tell the same story? how many times do you have to remind your significant other who Alice that works in payroll is? you expect someone to try to remember some things. it's just a sign that you are really and truly listening to the things that they have to say.

i know you hear me talking ... but are you listening to what i am saying?

i know you are listening to me ... but do you hear what i am saying?

        

That's right! I'm back!

But where have you been, Ms. Diva?

Well, babies, truth be told, I have not been having the best luck with technology lately ... I have cracked a laptop screen (don't ask), and  burned out a cell phone battery (and the extra battery) all within the same 2 week period! Nevertheless, here I am again, on my BRAND SPANKING NEW laptop, once again sharing my world with my favorite people ... YOU GUYS!!

So, I hope you are ready to do a lot of reading, because I am ready to do a lot of writing!!

See you all on this week's show!

        

Ok, so I came across this on someone's blog, and just thought that I would share. Hope you enjoy, and can apply the lesson to your life as I apply it to mine!

In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC) Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom.

One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance who ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students?"

"Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tell me, I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test."

"Triple filter?"

"That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my student, let's take a moment to filter what you're going to say. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"

"No," the man said, "actually I just heard about it and..."

"All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?"

"No, on the contrary..."

"So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him, even though you're not certain it's true?"

The man shrugged, a little embarrassed

Socrates continued. "You may still pass the test though, because there is a third filter - the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?"

"No, not really"

"Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor Useful, why tell it to me at all?"

The man was defeated and ashamed.

        

Happy New Year!!

So here we stand in the beginning of 2008. Am I the only one that really expected cars to be flying by now?

People kill me with all of their "out with the old in with the new" cliché phrases. "We are leaving ________, _________, and /or ____________ (fill in the blanks) in 2007 ...." BLAH!

I don't mean to rain on anyone's parade, I really don't, but people, people, people you have got to stop fooling yourselves!! If you wanted to leave your drama/ no good boyfriend or girlfriend/ bad job, etc in 2006, you would have left it in last week. Or last month. Or whenever it was that you realized that the situation wasn't for you.

But, thats just my opinion. All I am saying is stop lying to yourself and those around you (and those that don't care) about the new wonderful person that you are going to be in 2008. And better yet -- if you really plan on making a change, don't announce it. Just do it, and let people notice the changes that you have made for themselves. Don't have them waiting for something that may or may not happen.

As you can tell, I am really not one for the whole "resolution" thing. It falls in line with promises to me, which I don't believe in making because they are destined to be broken. So what makes January 1st so special that we have decided to make it the day of all life changes???

I think that it is more or less an excuse for some people. "My New Year's Resolution is to stop smoking." Dude, it's April! If you're going to stop, just stop now! This reminds me of this joke that I heard years ago- "What day do all diets start on? TOMORROW!" <<insert giggles here>>

All I am saying is that becoming a better person is a daily process, not something that you can resolve to do at the beginning of each new year. You know what it is going to take for you to be the person that you want to be ... so do it! I know that this is all easier said than done; but again, please remember that, Diva though I am, I am also changing and striving to be a better person myself. And this journey to the greater person that I want to be is not an easy one. I get frustrated. I get discouraged. I even fall off the wagon, (What? Not the Diva!! YES, even the Diva!) but what I won't do is allow myself to lie to one of the most important people in my life - myself. All things come in due time, and change, which takes time, is one of those things.

There's nothing wrong with new year's resolutions. But there's also nothing wrong with Valentine's Day, St. Patrick's Day, Easter, Columbus Day or President's Day resolutions either. If you want to change, you can resolve to do it, no matter what day of what year it is.

        

The person that lives their life wanting, hoping, and wishing to be "better" than the next person will never succeed in life.

There is no "better than" when it comes to life. Everyone gets out of life what THEY put into it ... that being said, when you sit and look at your life, and feel like you are "passing" someone else, think about this - did you get out of life what YOU put into your life or what someone else invested in it? Those that have never worked a hard day's work, or have never had to struggle to survive can not possibly sit back and really believe that they are "better than" or "passing" anyone else. Just like you can not judge another person's character, you really can not pass judgment on another person's walk in life. They may not be where you are, but they are probably a hell of a lot farther than where they started ... and thats more important than trying to "catch up" to you.

Damn, now that's real, and from the heart. 


I don't live my life in hopes that I will be better than those around me. I live my life hoping that I can be better for myself, so that I can uplift those around me or even encourage them.

My walk has been a hard one, but I wouldn't change one step of it.

And like I said, I may not be where YOU are on your journey, but I guarantee you I have traveled many more miles than you, probably suffered a lot more than you ever had to, and have made it so much farther than I was when i started.

And because of that, I feel like I have accomplished a lot. And that makes me proud.

        

The dictionary definition of the word "friend" is "a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard". The true definition of friend goes so much deeper than that. I have a lot of people in my life, some are friends and some are acquaintances. Some I am friends to, and for some the road of friendship goes both ways.

I think that it's important for me to post this particular blog because I have some "friends" (and I use that term so very, very loosely) that I think that it is time for me to remove from my life, and I know that there have GOT to be other people out there that go through the same thing ... hence the reason for this blog!

I am a firm believer in the old adage "treat others as you want them to treat you", and I live by it. I don't do people wrong, and I don't treat people badly. I approach a lot of situations with the thought of how I would hope that people would treat me if I were in their shoes. This, along with my ridiculous inablilty to say "no" makes me a grade A top notch friend. Either that or a doormat. What I have come to learn over the years is that, unfortunately, there are a lot of other people in the world that DON'T feel the same way that I feel, and will leave you standing in the middle of sh*t creek with no paddle. So, how do you handle these people and/ or situations?

Well, the first thing that I have had to tell myself is not to block my blessings because of another person's inability to be a real friend. But on the other hand, I have to remember not to be a fool. I know I just said a lot. Here's what I mean. Don't change the person that you are, but don't continue to let people walk all over you. There is nothign wrong with saying "no". Stop bending over backwards for people that wouldn't even bend forwards for you. Stop making people a priority in your life when you are nothing more than a thought in theirs. Got that?

The second thing that I had to realize is that some people are just plain selfish; whereas I have a tendancy to put myself aside to make sure that those around me are okay. This has led me, in the past, to put myself, my family, my life, my issues, and my happiness on the back burner. While this may make the people that are the receiving end happy, it leaves me feeling empty, and in most cases where I need someone to be there for me, it leaves me alone. This is no way to live life. So, I have decided that for some of these people I have to step back and determine whether or not this person would go completely out of their way for me in the same way that I am thinking about doing for them. 9 times out of 10, the answer would be no.

So, now, that leaves me to ask (and answer) the question "what makes a real friend?" A friend is someone that listens when you need them to, and doesn't give you unsolicited advice. A friend is someone that has your back, your front, and both of your sides. A friend is someone that believes in you, supports you and encourages you. A friend is someone that disregards the popular opinion of you because they have their own. A friend is someone that, when times are hard, knows that they can turn to you and you can turn to them. A friend cries when you cry, laughs when you laugh, and smiles when you smile. A friend is someone that you can trust with your deepest, darkest secrets without worrying about whether or not they are going to judge you. A friend loves you for YOU, not for what you can do for them. A friend is someone that can sometimes be closer than family.

Now, sit back and evaluate all of your "friendships". Are you REALLY a friend, or are you an acquaintance? And what about your friends? Are they really your friend, or woud you be better off without them? I bet your answers would shock you!