100RADIO.COM DIVABLOG

To Spank or Not to Spank?

2008-04-11T02:12:00Z

As most of us did, I got spanked as a child. There was no question about it, no "time-outs" were given out ... I got spanked. And as I got older, I got "beat". Now, as a parent myself, I can only raise my children by the standards that I was raised by, and I am a child spanker.

My son is 2. He is at the age where he is learning right from wrong, and the actions that I encourage / discourage are going to start making the framework for the type of child he will be. If I dismiss his tantrums, his hitting, his biting, his disobedience, or any other negative behavior that he displays, I fear that he will be one of those children that we see in the mall / grocery store / misc. public place that is bossing his mother around ... or even worse, one of those children on Maury that is beating on his mother. I refuse.

When my son tells me "no", which is his current favorite thing to do, or throws one of his toys across the room at me, or pours his entire cup of juice on the table and starts playing in it (although I have told him to stop) do I say "No, baby, don't do that"? No. I pop him on his bottom. Now, at the age of 2, I don't think that this is inappropriate. His Pull-Up absorbs the majority of the shock, and all he is left with is a bruised ego.

Now, don't get me wrong. Everything that he does "wrong" does not warrant him getting popped. I speak to him firmly / sternly, and have even started teaching him what it means when I give him "the look". But guess what? Because he has experienced a few butt pops in his time, if he is getting ready to do something, or in the midst of doing something that he shouldn't be doing, when I say "Stop before I pop you" or "Do you want me to pop you?" he usually stops. Does that mean that it is possible that within the next 2 or 3 years I will be able to stop spanking him? Probably not, because he is a child, and he will always, always, always test those boundaries that have been set.

There has been extensive (62 years of it, to be exact) research done of spanking and the effects that spanking has on children. As a child that was spanked, that comes from a family that was spanked, I find it HARD to believe some of the things that are being said. Dr. Phil says on his website that "Weaker associations for spanking such as a failure to learn right from wrong, subsequent criminal behavior, mental illness, and child or spouse abuse as adults, have also been suggested." Again, I was spanked. I know right from wrong. I did not head down a path of criminal behavior. I am not mentally ill, nor do I abuse my children or my mate.

I read an article where a mom said that she believes that spanking her 2 year old is warranted in some situations because a 2 year old can not be reasoned with ... boy is she right!! Jaysson is 2, he doesn't understand "don't stick that in the socket or you'll get electrocuted". What he does understand is that if he is about to do it, and I start walking in his direction with a certain tone in my voice that will be emphasized by a swat on his behind that he better not do it. And that is what I want. I want him to get to the point where he knows, simply by the tone of my voice, that whatever he is about to do is wrong ... or even potentially dangerous. And hopefully, by the time he turns 12, I can end it all by simply saying "I'm gonna beat that @%$" (LOL)

Seriously, though ... to spank or not to spank? What's your opinion? Were you spanked as a child? And of so, do you think that it has had any negative effects on you?

Welcome Back Miss Diva

2008-03-31T04:58:00Z

You know, I was starting to feel a little discouraged when I didn't see anyone commenting on my blogs ... not even Roosevelt... then I learned that there were some technical issues going on and I instantly felt better!

Hey Roosevelt!! Have ya missed me?! LOL!

Thanks, again, and always, for listening and supporting me and 100radio.com!! And guess what? Miss Southern Honey the Dirty South Diva has some news....

I am having a baby!!

16 Weeks Pregnant

Yes, that's right, there will be a new addition to the Diva clan in the near future! So stay tuned, keep reading, because nothing will thrill me more than to share this journey with my ENTIRE family ... and that includes all of YOU!!!!!

And on that note, I'm out!

Am I in Love or Just Plain STUPID??

2008-03-31T04:36:00Z

Dear Miss Diva,

I have heard your segments on a few of the shows, and have tried to follow your blog as much as possible. I think that you have a lot of great things to say about relationships, which is why I am writing you this letter.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 months. In these 3 months, he has both lied AND cheated on me. I heard you say that those are signs that a relationship is or should be over, but I have recently found out that I am pregnant. Although my boyfriend says that he will change and be faithful, and he says that he will be here for our child, it is hard for me to believe him.

I don't know if I should just leave, and raise this baby on my own, or if I should give him a chance and see if he really does change. All I know is that I don't want to be hurt anymore.

Thanks,
L. G.

Dear L-

First of all, thanks for listening and reading! I appreciate your support and I am glad that you sought out my advice. Now, about this boyfriend. You know, the first thing that came to mind when I read your letter is a quote from Maya Angelou that is one of my personal mottos- "If someone shows you who they are, believe them." What do I mean?

Well, in most relationships, one or both of the parties involved are putting their best foot forward. Sometimes this means that the real person is not the person that you are getting to know and falling for. Fortunately for you, your situation is differemt. He has shown you, pretty much from Jump Street, who and WHAT he is.

Only YOU can decide if you need to move on, but let me say a few things. No matter what kind of BOYFRIEND he may be to you, every man deserves the opportunity to be a father to their child. Aside from being knocked around, walking away from a man while you are carrying his child and not giving him the chance to be a father is wrong. It took both of you to make that baby, and it will take both of you to raise it. Now, if, once he is given the chance, he doesn't hold up his end of the responsibility, at that point, walking away is fine. But let HIM be the one to walk away by not being a father to his child.

I don't know what your ages are, or what your living situation is, but I will also say this. Time apart is good for ANY couple. Taking some time to yourself and giving him the same will allow both of you to concentrate on yourselves so that you can focus on what it is that you really want. Now will he change? Maybe. Maybe not. Only he really knows that. But I have to believe what they say about a leopard not changing its spots.

No matter what you decide, I would like to congratulate you on your pregnancy, and wish the best for you. Good luck!

Your Cheating Heart

2008-03-07T01:53:00Z

Infidelity is defined as "1. marital disloyalty; adultery. 2. unfaithfulness; disloyalty. "

Infidelity. Cheating. Having an affair. Adultery. Unfaithfulness. No matter what you choose to call it, the ramifications that it has on a relationship remains the same.

With all the issues that are inevitable in a relationship between 2 people, cheating is probably the worst that you could have to deal with; however, in the age of the internet, cell phones, and text messaging, the actual physical act of cheating is not the only way that a person can be unfaithful to his or her spouse or significant other. I am choosing to talk about the new ways of cheating, hereafter referred to as "emotional affairs".

An emotional affair generally starts innocently enough as a friendship. Through investing emotional energy and time with one another outside the relationship, the former platonic friendship can begin to form a strong emotional bond which hurts the intimacy of the relationship. While there are those who believe that an emotional affair is harmless, most marriage experts view an emotional affair as cheating without having a sexual relationship.

The following is a list of the "warning signs" of an emotional affair that I have compiled from a few sites.

    1. You are withdrawing from your spouse.
    2. You are preoccupied and daydream about your friend more and more.
    3. You are not interested in being intimate with your spouse, either emotionally or sexually.
    4. The amount of time you and your spouse spend together is less.
    5. When confronted about the apparent emotional affair, you respond, "We're just friends."
    6. You find yourself anticipating when you can communicate or be with your friend again. Alone time together is important to you.
    7. You are sharing your thoughts, feelings, and problems with your friend instead of your spouse.
    8. Your friend seems to understand you better than your spouse does.
    9. You are keeping your friendship a secret from your spouse.

Once you're drawn into an emotional affair, it can feel so good that you don't want to stop. In fact, not having sex may make the connection seem all the more powerful. It feels genuine, romantic even, and isn't easy to let go of because it's so "safe" — or so it appears. But inevitably, you start unfairly comparing your mate to this other person, which compounds the damage. You don't have the stresses of everyday life together, so the new person can be very humorous, very cute, and very giving. You go back to your mate and you're comparing them to this "friend" in pieces: He'll never be as handsome as this guy or as funny as this guy or as giving as this guy.

The two individuals involved in the emotional affair may have been casual friends or co-workers to start with. Or they may have met online in a chat room. At some point, they started confiding feelings and personal details about themselves, their partners, and their relationships that their mate would have seen as a violation of trust. And that was the first danger signal that indicated trouble ahead.

The second danger indicator was when they started sharing more with the “friend” than with their mate and depending on the “friend” for their primary emotional support. At some point, they began to feel that the “friend” understood them better than their own mate did and was easier to communicate with. They felt a sense of companionship with the “friend” that was lacking with their mate.

The third red flag indicating danger ahead was when they began keeping their conversations and the frequency of contact secret from their mate. This is a definite danger sign. Both individuals knew that their mates would be upset if they knew the extent of the contact, the depth of the emotional connection, and the intimate subjects being routinely discussed.

The bottom line to this is that deception is deception. A lie is a lie. If this person is a friend, then why is their identity or existance hidden from your mate? A relationship with friends that the other person doesn't know about is already in danger. Add to this danger sexual tension, and inappropriate conversations, and you are ASKING for a disaster. So how do you deal with it?

The first thing to remember, just like physical infidelity, is that it has NOTHING to do with YOU as a person. It isn't personal. There is probably nothing that you can do differently or change about yourself that will make your mate stop what they are doing.

The lines of communication in yoru relationship have to be opened back up. As I have stated before, both in blogs and on the show, your mate has to be your best friend. You should be able to talk to your mate about anything, and they should be able to listen without being judgemental.

The person guilty of the emotional affair must be willing to end it. If they are not willing or able to put the time and energy that they have put into their "friend" back into their relationship, then there is no reason to even try to continue the relationship. There are probably deeper issues that need to be dealt with.

Emotional affairs hurt just as much, if not more, than physical affairs. They destroy the levels of trust just like a physical affair does. Sometimes, these emotional affairs are harder to deal with and get over than a real sexual affair. The biggest thing that I want everyone to remember is that they are real, and they are damaging, and if you are having one, you are hurting the person that you love.

After V-Day is Over

2008-02-19T13:22:00Z

Well, well, well … Valentine’s Day is over. The candy has been eaten, the flowers are wilted, and the stuffed animals are probably on the floor in the closet somewhere. All that remains about this “all important” day are the memories. But why should it end there? I know that we have all heard someone say something similar to what I am about to say, and that is don’t show me love one day out of the year and neglect me the other 364 (or in this year 365).

I have never been a big Valentine’s Day fan. I am the person that walks around and wishes people “Happy VD” (lol, and yes I mean exactly what you think I do) First of all, it’s a Hallmark holiday. It’s like Grandparent’s Day… just another day someone invented to sell a card. Second of all, I just think it’s a waste. If you can’t proclaim your love for me throughout the year, please save your cards, balloons, and candies on February 14 because I will believe that it is all for show, but not for my benefit.

Don’t misunderstand me, yes, I do believe that if you love someone you should proclaim it as often and as loud as possible. And that is my whole point about Valentine’s Day. You should proclaim it as often and as loud as possible. Do I like to be acknowledged by my significant other on Valentine’s Day? Yes. But all that pink and red stuff in the stores make me question your sincerity. I have rules that I follow, and those rules have been shared with my significant other on many occasions, not just Valentine's Day because they apply any time of the year.

When you buy someone a card, actually READ the card. Sometimes even the most well-meant sentiments have been ruined by a card that someone failed to completely read. My aunt passed recently, and a fraternal sister of mine from another chapter in another state sent me a card that was printed with “Sorry for the loss of your Mother”. I know that her feelings were sincere, yet the meaning and even some of the true sincerity was lost in the fact that she either didn’t read the card that she sent me or didn’t pay attention when the notice went out about my aunt’s passing. If you can’t find a card that sums it all up for you, make one. Which brings me to number 2.

Flowers are nice, as are other material things, but it is ALWAYS the thought that counts. It means more to me for someone to come home with my favorite magazine or my favorite candy bar than a dozen roses. This means that you were standing in line at the grocery store, or just happening by a magazine stand and you saw this and it made you think of me. It means that you think of me. Knowing that you are on someone’s mind is a HUGE turn-on.

Cards and candy are nice, but a kind word goes a long way. Compliments, especially SINCERE compliments, show someone that you not only appreciate the person that they are, but that you like (even LOVE or ADORE) the person that they are. It shows that no matter how long it may have been, there is still something in that person that keeps you there. Tell them what it is, and be as specific as possible.

I Love My City

2008-02-10T03:36:00Z

Okay, I'm gonna start this blog off like this - if you can't INSTANTLY recognize the skyline above, you will probably be LOST for the rest of (or the majority of) this post.

I bought myself a Zune today. If you don't know, that is Bill Gate's answer to Apple and there g-darn iPods. It's pretty cool, but I digress. So, I was perusing through the Zune Marketplace looking for music to download, because you know I always pay for the music that I *borrow* from the internet ... (If anyone was watching me they would think I was delirious because of how I am laughing right now...) Anyway, as I was looking for music, a So So Def AllStars CD came up, and one of the intros was done by Edward J. Now, I haven't heard Edward J's voice in YEARS, so I was really tickled. I called my cousin with the song playing in the background, and I was like "I bet you don't recognize this voice" and after listening to it for a while she answered dryly, "um, you're right. I don't."

WHAT?!? Are you serious? This is the point where she kindly reminded me that I am (and I quote) "like 6 years older" than her, so of course she doesn't know anything that I am talking about. So I called another cousin of mine, who is also younger, but who knows everything about Atlanta ... he was clueless also until I reminded him of a line from a Young Jeezy song that mentions Edward J.

Ok, so, let me school a few of you ... King Edward J is one of the mixtape innovators in the city of Atlanta. He made mixtapes when they were really on TAPES. You could buy them at Candler Rd. Flea Market ... that in itself is back in the day! (LOL)

There really is a point to this blog. Atlanta is a mecca for music ... not even just rap and hip hop anymore, but all music. Edward J, DJ Smurf, Playa Poncho, all of these guys are pretty much Atlanta music legends .... how is it that our parents don't let Marvin Gaye be forgotten, yet someone 6 years younger than me doesn't know who Edward J is? I think that speaks VOLUMES for the trendiness of rap music. I could play some of these Kilo, Playa Poncho, and Raheem the Dream songs to my daughter and she would probably laugh at me. No, she would definitely laugh at me.

Do these people, who are the originators, the innovators, and the ones that put Atlanta on the map (in Atlanta, anyway) deserve to be retired and forgotte forever so that groups like OutKast take all the credit as being the first Atlanta rappers? Now, don't get me wrong, I love OutKast as much as the next Ga-Bred person, but if you ask them who they were listening to before they started rapping, I bet somewhere in that list will be something about an Edward J tape.

Ok, maybe this blog didn't have a point. Maybe I just wanted to show my age and sit back like my mother used to do- complaining about the state of music.

I can't believe she didn't know who Edward J was.

Are You Fighting Not To Be a Statistic?

2008-02-07T03:20:00Z

Let me start this out by saying that I love my family. Ok, that’s my disclaimer.

The people that share my DNA and the few people that are married to them are the most stuck up and bourgeois (that’s ‘boo-gee’ for those of you that don’t know) people that I have ever encountered in my life. I have always know this … it’s like they all made it somewhere and totally and completely forgotten where they came from. But that is off the subject. I just had a conversation with a member of my family that reminded me that there are certain things that I can’t talk to them about.

We were discussing her stepson, my cousin, and the fact that “all he wants to do is sit around and get high all the time” (which I don’t believe is true, but anyway…) So in the conversation my aunt says that my cousin’s mother is just tired of him and he needs to get his sh*t together. Somewhere in there I made the observation that we are, and have to be, as parents, harder on our sons than we are on our daughters because it is harder out there for men. What did I say that for????? She said that she believes that if you go out there and show that you are about your business and you really want to get a job, its not hard out there. This was the point where I had to tell her exactly what it is that I believe.

I truly believe that in the world, in society (not just in the work world) it is hard for a Black man. Now please do not think that I am about to go off on this whole “holding the Black man down” crap (which she thought I was saying) because I am not. What I am saying is this … even the highest paid business professionals (unless they are walking around in a suit 24-7-365) have to work hard to prove themselves, to fight the preconceived notions that society has about Black men, and to fight the stereotypes.

Do you know that this woman ripped me a new one?! Like she really went off on me and told me that my belief was crap and that she believed that I was just a product of my environment. WHOA! SO at this point I asked her what was wrong with my environment, and she goes on to tell me that I am so smart that there is no reason why I am not somewhere in corporate America with 99+ people working under me. Actually, there is exactly 1 reason why I’m not … because that is NOT the life that I want for myself. Corporate America is not for everyone … everyone does not have those suit and tie dreams, and please know that I have never, ever, ever aspired to do that whole suit and tie, Corporate America, 9-5 nonsense.

I stand firmly on what I believe, especially as a mother with a son. The way that things stand right now, people really only expect our Black young men to grow up to be either a sports icon or a statistic. I don’t want my son to be a statistic. But no matter what he chooses to do, he will get the looks and the stares and the mistreatment. He could have a million dollars in the bank, but if he walks into Jared’s or Tiffany & Co. dressed in some “trendy” “hip hop” clothes, he would get a funny look or 2. I watched my own mother pass judgment on someone in a somewhat similar situation a few years ago.

We were driving down the street and driving in an SUV beside us was a young Black man. He was wearing a baseball cap, had on some sunglasses, had his music playing loud, and was cruising. She goes off on this whole tangent about him being a thug and everything else under the sun. My response was “for all you know, that man could be the VP of Operations at IBM”. How can you make such assumptions? And how can someone else be so blind about the fact that this happens to people?

My children’s father had neat, well kept, shoulder length locs when we met, and up until 2 years ago. He is intelligent, well spoken, well versed, talented, has been in his career for 13 years, and knows his sh*t. He doesn’t dress like a thug, a hood, a rapper, a basketball player or anyone else that you see in the mainstream- he’s a jeans and tshirt, or jeans and polo kind of guy. I have witnessed with my own eyes the way people looked at him before he opened his mouth and disproved what opinions people had already formed about him based on his appearance. So I even posed this scenario to my aunt and asked her what that was. She didn’t answer me, instead saying that we should just agree to disagree.

BLAH!!

And so I ask you … especially the men out there. How do you feel? Is it harder out there for you because you are fighting the stereotypes? PLEASE tell me if I am wrong because I don’t want to instill something wrong in my son.

Growing Up Online Pt. 2

2008-01-31T00:40:00Z

Before I begin my tirade (because I promise you, this WILL be a tirade!) please allow me to apologize for not being around... I have been very, very much under the weather. It has not been easy, but I am ok, and that is ALL that matters!!! Now, onto my soapbox I climb.

And so, as promised, I watched the PBS "Frontline" special, "Growing Up Online". I have to admit that I spent pretty much the entire program with my mouth agape. I could not believe some of the things that I heard and saw ... and so I will start at the beginning. Hopefully you had a chance to see it also, if not I strongly suggest that you do, especially if you have children!

The first thing that I heard that scared me was a young man, aged 16-17, that says that he "needs" the internet to talk to his friends. "Need"? I don't think so... but ok. This young man's father actually said that he has a better chance of getting his sons attention by emailing him because he knows that he'll see it. Ok, here I have a problem. Now, I know that I spend a lot of time on my computer, I know this, but if the only way that I feel that I can get my child's attention is by EMAILING them and we are in the same damn house, then there is a problem in my house that needs to be addressed. Now, don't get me wrong, I have been guilty of this on several occasions. I have sent a text message through yahoo messenger to someone that is right downstairs. I have even had conversations through messenger services with someone that is in the same house as I am. That is all out of sheer laziness, not because I feel like that is the only way that I will get their attention.

This same young man said something that absolutely disgusted me. He said that he NEVER READ ... that he goes online to a site that is similar to the Cliff Notes of my day, and gets everything he needs to know about the reading assignments that he has been given in a matter of minutes. He goes on to say that he just doesn't have the time to read ... "If there were 27 hours in a day, I'd read Hamlet, but there's only 24". This is a statement coming from the same person that said that hf he disconnected from the internet he would just sit in his chair for hours and do nothing. Ok, this is the point where his parents need to disconnect the damn internet and make his ass read a book!

In my time (not that I am that old or anything) they were accusing parents of letting television raise their children. We have entered into a whole new realm of problems now ... the internet, and all of the sick, disgusting perverts who are out there are the ones that are raising our kids now! There are parents out there that don't even know how to work the computer, much less check behind their children to see what they are doing ... I just don't get that!!

In this world of myspace, facebook, and all of the other social networking websites that are out there, as a parent you have to know how and when to find out what your children are doing. I have a 15 year old daughter. I have absolutely NO problem with checking emails, myspace accounts, tagged accounts, messenger conversations, or whatever else I have to check. This is a little off the subject, but I also do room checks, purse checks, bookbag checks, pop up visits at school, and if I could get away with it, I would check in on your phone conversations every now and then. I refuse to be the parent that looks back at the last 4 or 5 years of my child's life and see all of the things that were going on behind my back after it was too late. No, I am going to catch it before it happens and nip it in the bud!

We have got to talk to our children about internet responsibility. Do our daughters recognize the image they are putting out there of themselves when they post pictures on their myspace pages that have them shooting a bird and the caption reads "i jus don't giv a fukk"? Do they know that they are attracting predators and other perverts by staging these pictures in these provocative poses that make them appear to be years older and more experienced and mature than they really are? Do they know how little information someone needs to know about you to be able to find your exact location along with door to door directions to that location? All thanks to the internet.

Being a parent in this century is so much different, and probably more difficult than it was for our parents and their parents. All my mother had to make me remember was not to talk to strangers, to check my halloween candy before I started eating it, and not to take any Mickey Mouse stickers from anyone I didn't know (for fear that it was laced with acid). Now I have to talk to my daughter about the reputation that she is setting up for herself across millions of airwaves, how to know if someone is a predator, how to protect her identity along with my personal information from hackers, along with the same basic lessons that my mother had to teach me. Except for the Mickey Mouse stickers ... I have to warn her about Meth instead.

Growing Up Online

2008-01-22T16:00:00Z

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Don't miss this ... you can catch it online AND on TV .... This is important to anyone that has children, and this will be my topic of discussion this week.

I Won't Change My Life, My Life's JUST FINE!

2008-01-15T02:54:00Z

"Feels so good, when you’re doing all the things that you want to do
Get the best out of life, treat yourself to something new
Keep your head up high
In yourself, believe in you, believe in me
Having a really good time, I’m not complaining
And I’m a still wear a smile if it raining
I got to enjoy myself regardless
I appreciate life, I’m so glad I got mine
So I like what I see when I’m looking at me
When I’m walking past the mirror
Aint worried about you and what you gonna do
I’m a lady so I must stay classy
Got to keep it hot, keep it together
If I want to get better
You see I wouldn't’t change my life, my life’s just….. fine"

Yes, Mary! Sing it girl!!

This song has become my new theme song ... "I won't change my life, my life's just fine!"

This post is about 2 very important things that I have learned in my life. They are 1) LOVE and ACCEPT yourself, and 2) LOVE and ACCEPT the life that you are living, and Mary hit it on the head both times with this one!!

The first time I heard this song, the part that stuck out to me the most was "I like what I see when I'm looking at me when I'm walking past the mirror". And after many, many years of having self esteem and self image problems, I can finally say that, yes, I like me. No, I LOVE what I see looking back at me in the mirror! When she smiles at me and I smile back at her, the light that radiates in the room is overwhelming! Do you really feel what I'm saying? Now, don't get me wrong, because I am far from conceited. I am just a woman that is (finally) comfortable in her own skin.

For so, so, so many years I looked at what society considered attractive and tried to make myself conform to it. I tried every diet imaginable, and even made up some of my own. I had weave, I wore wigs, I colored my hair, cut my hair, applied makeup, wore acrylic nails, colored contacts... yes, I tried everything that I could and nothing made me happy with the person that I saw in the mirror. It took me forever to realize that I would never be happy with that person because that person WAS NOT ME! Whew! So I started, little bit by little bit, accepting what I saw. Ok, so I am not a size 4. SO WHAT?! The average woman is a size 14, so guess what ... I am normal! (Sorry skinny girls but yall are so out of style! *smile*) I had to realize that "perfect" was not "beautiful" and that "perfect" did not exist. I started learning that my personality spoke volumes and that my intelligence was way more important than my size.

Self esteem is something that I am so big on when it comes to teenage girls. I think that it is so important for them to know that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Do you know when I actually dissected that saying and got a full understanding of it? A month ago on my birthday. Something just came to me and said "it doesn't matter what THEY think ... if you see your beauty, then you ARE beautiful!"

The second thing that caught me about this song was "I won't change my life, my life's just fine". It is in human nature to complain when things aren't going the way we want them to about how much life sucks. But guess what, I bet that no matter what horrible situation you find yourself in, there's someone out there that would kill to be in your situation instead of theirs.

I have been through some SHIT in my life, I am here to tell you. I have been wronged, I have been hurt, I have been abandoned, I have wronged people, I have hurt people. And in all of this, I have learned very valuable lessons. But you know what, and I have said this so many times in my life, I would not change not one single thing that I have been through because it makes me the person that I am ... and I have to say, I am one hell of a person!!

I'm just saying, as long as I have breath in my body, no matter how bad it may seem, I won't change a thing, because I have come through the fire and weathered the storm, and I am STILL here! What hasn't killed me has only made me stronger, and I am all the better for it! I love my life! Even at its most horrible times, I won't change my life ... my life's just fine!

See, Mary's right. It feels great when you are doing the things that you want to do! Once you stop living your life for everyone else around you and start living it for you and only you, the level of satisfaction that you reach is beyond description. Do you understand where you have to be in life to be able to truly believe the lyrics of this song for yourself? I do, and I beg of you, don't make the same mistake that I did. Don't let the best parts of your life pass you by before you get there.

So, babies, take this one with you today as a little motivation. Play the video again. Start your day with this song. Listen to the words. Type them up and put them on the wall of your office. Put them on your bathroom mirror. Commit them to memory. But most importantly, LIVE THEM!

I'm out!

*Hey Roosevelt ... I did you one better than a picture! I gave you a video!!! Much love! Muah!*

Travelling at the Speed of Sound

2008-01-11T01:25:00Z

"if a tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound?"

you ever talk and think no one is listening? now when i say that, i mean have you ever talked and known that someone was listening, but known at the same time that they aren't hearing you?

but isn't it the same thing?

oh contraire mon frere, but they are not the same. you can hear something and not listen to it just as you can listen to something and not hear it. for instance, you can be in the car and hear a song playing on the radio but you aren't paying attention to it, therefore you aren't listening to it. and the same thing can happen when someone is talking to you, or when you are talking to someone.

it takes a mature person to be able to recognize that sometimes people don't wanna hear what you are saying. they just don't damn care about the words that are coming out of your mouth. you may want them to care, you may even believe that they care. but they don't. let's just be real about it. we only listen to the things that we want to hear. all the rest of the words phrases and sentences go in one ear and out the other. but the funny thing about life is that the people that are doing the most talking are (funny enough) the ones that are doing the most listening. the people that don't feel like anyone gives a shit about the things that they think or feel are the very ones that are listening intently to the rambling that you are doing on a constant basis, and can probably recite everything that you say word for word.

my cousin's best friend doesn't listen to her. it really hurts her feelings when she tells her friend something extremely important to her and then days later she has to repeat the same thing to her again. and you know what? i can't say that i blame her. you expect the average person on the street to not listen to or remember everything that you may endlessly chatter about. but the people that you have decided are important enough to be the ones that you care about are at least supposed to remember the major things.

i know that i have a tendency to talk a lot. this is something that i have come to realize about myself. now, that being said, i don't expect you to remember every single solitary word that comes out my mouth. i do, however, remember key things that i say to you. nothing makes me angrier than having to repeat something that i said yesterday. especially if it was important to me at the time. it makes a person feel extremely unimportant when they talk and their words fall onto deaf ears.

it hurts to have to repeat yourself. how many times have you found yourself saying "i told you that, remember?" how many times have you had to tell the same story? how many times do you have to remind your significant other who Alice that works in payroll is? you expect someone to try to remember some things. it's just a sign that you are really and truly listening to the things that they have to say.

i know you hear me talking ... but are you listening to what i am saying?

i know you are listening to me ... but do you hear what i am saying?

She's Baaaaaaaaaaaaaacccccckkkkkkkk!!

2008-01-09T03:53:00Z

That's right! I'm back!

But where have you been, Ms. Diva?

Well, babies, truth be told, I have not been having the best luck with technology lately ... I have cracked a laptop screen (don't ask), and burned out a cell phone battery (and the extra battery) all within the same 2 week period! Nevertheless, here I am again, on my BRAND SPANKING NEW laptop, once again sharing my world with my favorite people ... YOU GUYS!!

So, I hope you are ready to do a lot of reading, because I am ready to do a lot of writing!!

See you all on this week's show!

Words to Live By

2008-01-04T22:50:00Z

Ok, so I came across this on someone's blog, and just thought that I would share. Hope you enjoy, and can apply the lesson to your life as I apply it to mine!

In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC) Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom.

One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance who ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students?"

"Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tell me, I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test."

"Triple filter?"

"That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my student, let's take a moment to filter what you're going to say. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"

"No," the man said, "actually I just heard about it and..."

"All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?"

"No, on the contrary..."

"So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him, even though you're not certain it's true?"

The man shrugged, a little embarrassed

Socrates continued. "You may still pass the test though, because there is a third filter - the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?"

"No, not really"

"Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor Useful, why tell it to me at all?"

The man was defeated and ashamed.

Happy 2008!!

2008-01-03T00:35:00Z

Happy New Year!!

So here we stand in the beginning of 2008. Am I the only one that really expected cars to be flying by now?

People kill me with all of their "out with the old in with the new" cliché phrases. "We are leaving ________, _________, and /or ____________ (fill in the blanks) in 2007 ...." BLAH!

I don't mean to rain on anyone's parade, I really don't, but people, people, people you have got to stop fooling yourselves!! If you wanted to leave your drama/ no good boyfriend or girlfriend/ bad job, etc in 2006, you would have left it in last week. Or last month. Or whenever it was that you realized that the situation wasn't for you.

But, thats just my opinion. All I am saying is stop lying to yourself and those around you (and those that don't care) about the new wonderful person that you are going to be in 2008. And better yet -- if you really plan on making a change, don't announce it. Just do it, and let people notice the changes that you have made for themselves. Don't have them waiting for something that may or may not happen.

As you can tell, I am really not one for the whole "resolution" thing. It falls in line with promises to me, which I don't believe in making because they are destined to be broken. So what makes January 1st so special that we have decided to make it the day of all life changes???

I think that it is more or less an excuse for some people. "My New Year's Resolution is to stop smoking." Dude, it's April! If you're going to stop, just stop now! This reminds me of this joke that I heard years ago- "What day do all diets start on? TOMORROW!" <<insert giggles here>>

All I am saying is that becoming a better person is a daily process, not something that you can resolve to do at the beginning of each new year. You know what it is going to take for you to be the person that you want to be ... so do it! I know that this is all easier said than done; but again, please remember that, Diva though I am, I am also changing and striving to be a better person myself. And this journey to the greater person that I want to be is not an easy one. I get frustrated. I get discouraged. I even fall off the wagon, (What? Not the Diva!! YES, even the Diva!) but what I won't do is allow myself to lie to one of the most important people in my life - myself. All things come in due time, and change, which takes time, is one of those things.

There's nothing wrong with new year's resolutions. But there's also nothing wrong with Valentine's Day, St. Patrick's Day, Easter, Columbus Day or President's Day resolutions either. If you want to change, you can resolve to do it, no matter what day of what year it is.

Food for Thought

2007-12-22T17:24:00Z

The person that lives their life wanting, hoping, and wishing to be "better" than the next person will never succeed in life.

There is no "better than" when it comes to life. Everyone gets out of life what THEY put into it ... that being said, when you sit and look at your life, and feel like you are "passing" someone else, think about this - did you get out of life what YOU put into your life or what someone else invested in it? Those that have never worked a hard day's work, or have never had to struggle to survive can not possibly sit back and really believe that they are "better than" or "passing" anyone else. Just like you can not judge another person's character, you really can not pass judgment on another person's walk in life. They may not be where you are, but they are probably a hell of a lot farther than where they started ... and thats more important than trying to "catch up" to you.

Damn, now that's real, and from the heart.

I don't live my life in hopes that I will be better than those around me. I live my life hoping that I can be better for myself, so that I can uplift those around me or even encourage them.

My walk has been a hard one, but I wouldn't change one step of it.

And like I said, I may not be where YOU are on your journey, but I guarantee you I have traveled many more miles than you, probably suffered a lot more than you ever had to, and have made it so much farther than I was when i started.

And because of that, I feel like I have accomplished a lot. And that makes me proud.

Are you a FRIEND or an ACQUAINTANCE?

2007-12-12T20:34:00Z

The dictionary definition of the word "friend" is "a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard". The true definition of friend goes so much deeper than that. I have a lot of people in my life, some are friends and some are acquaintances. Some I am friends to, and for some the road of friendship goes both ways.

I think that it's important for me to post this particular blog because I have some "friends" (and I use that term so very, very loosely) that I think that it is time for me to remove from my life, and I know that there have GOT to be other people out there that go through the same thing ... hence the reason for this blog!

I am a firm believer in the old adage "treat others as you want them to treat you", and I live by it. I don't do people wrong, and I don't treat people badly. I approach a lot of situations with the thought of how I would hope that people would treat me if I were in their shoes. This, along with my ridiculous inablilty to say "no" makes me a grade A top notch friend. Either that or a doormat. What I have come to learn over the years is that, unfortunately, there are a lot of other people in the world that DON'T feel the same way that I feel, and will leave you standing in the middle of sh*t creek with no paddle. So, how do you handle these people and/ or situations?

Well, the first thing that I have had to tell myself is not to block my blessings because of another person's inability to be a real friend. But on the other hand, I have to remember not to be a fool. I know I just said a lot. Here's what I mean. Don't change the person that you are, but don't continue to let people walk all over you. There is nothign wrong with saying "no". Stop bending over backwards for people that wouldn't even bend forwards for you. Stop making people a priority in your life when you are nothing more than a thought in theirs. Got that?

The second thing that I had to realize is that some people are just plain selfish; whereas I have a tendancy to put myself aside to make sure that those around me are okay. This has led me, in the past, to put myself, my family, my life, my issues, and my happiness on the back burner. While this may make the people that are the receiving end happy, it leaves me feeling empty, and in most cases where I need someone to be there for me, it leaves me alone. This is no way to live life. So, I have decided that for some of these people I have to step back and determine whether or not this person would go completely out of their way for me in the same way that I am thinking about doing for them. 9 times out of 10, the answer would be no.

So, now, that leaves me to ask (and answer) the question "what makes a real friend?" A friend is someone that listens when you need them to, and doesn't give you unsolicited advice. A friend is someone that has your back, your front, and both of your sides. A friend is someone that believes in you, supports you and encourages you. A friend is someone that disregards the popular opinion of you because they have their own. A friend is someone that, when times are hard, knows that they can turn to you and you can turn to them. A friend cries when you cry, laughs when you laugh, and smiles when you smile. A friend is someone that you can trust with your deepest, darkest secrets without worrying about whether or not they are going to judge you. A friend loves you for YOU, not for what you can do for them. A friend is someone that can sometimes be closer than family.

Now, sit back and evaluate all of your "friendships". Are you REALLY a friend, or are you an acquaintance? And what about your friends? Are they really your friend, or woud you be better off without them? I bet your answers would shock you!

It's Going DOWN!!

2007-12-10T22:59:00Z

WHAT?! Are you serious?!

Welcome family, (because you all are my family) to MY world! This is going to be an interesting journey that we are about to embark on. It's ironic that my blog would be up and running today - on the eve of my birthday ... I have decided that this is going to be a SPECTACULAR year for me, and now you will all get to be a part of it! Buckle up, you're in for the ride of your life!

I wanna take a second out for some mushy "thank you"s and all that. None of this would be possible without a couple of people and I gotta let them know that I appreciate them! First of all, to YOU GUYS! You're listening, you're giving feedback, and you are making me what I am (and becoming), so thanks to all of you. Second, Specfromthedec, Lisa Lis, "Pro", Marketus, and Shana P., my 100radio family - thank you in believing in me! Finally, my friends and loved ones that encouraged me and continuously support me- Garolyn, J, Nyta, Janis, Bran-Bran - you guys ROCK, and I mean that!

So here it is ... the DivaBlog. WOW. I'm ready. Are you?